rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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