I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
