I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
