I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
