what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
