i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
