There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
