but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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