I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
