I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
