I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
