Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
