Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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