so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
