You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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