sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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