Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
