I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
