so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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