I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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