you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
