I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
