Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
