apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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