All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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