Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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