i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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