don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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