Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize