2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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