We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
