Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
