If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
