I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
