I can text with my tongue
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
