Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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