I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My ATM looks so different sober.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
