i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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