At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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