Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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