i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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