we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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