I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
