I cannot find my penis.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
