Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
