I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
