his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
