I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
