I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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