Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
