tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
