I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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