I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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