When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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