So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
