I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
