A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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