Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
