I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
