you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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