I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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