so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
