so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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