oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
