woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
