he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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