Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
