Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
