he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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