He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
