Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you win again, gameday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
