I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
