I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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